Five more days.. Posted at 2:13 AM 0 comments (+) ...and the event my Mom (hardly I) has been sewing up for a year now would be coming to life. I don't know what feelings I should be having at the moment but the thought that it's really happening is reeling around my mind.

Since I got home from strandedness last Friday (a Southwest Monsoon -  Bagyong Gener - struck the country, leaving various places of Metro Manila flooded and devastated), we've been going out everyday mostly for the preparations of the party. It has been exhausting to the point I never got to do any of the plans I made for the long weekend, which was studying. I'm partially doing it now by having my Obligations and Contracts book on my lap while my fingers are typing this out (plus a few tabs on my browser on videos of The Vampire Diaries - Season 4).

I planned on catching on with readings for Obligations and Contracts, taking in a whole chapter from Management Accounting for a quiz that was supposed to be last Tuesday, and laying out all plans for a 5-minute movie for Introduction to Art to be presented on Wednesday (this I hope would be postponed due to last week's suspension of classes).

With that being said, there are so many things going on with my life that I feel so lost and disoriented. It comes to the point that I haven't gone to Church for the past 2 Sundays and I haven't been communicating as much as I used to with the One above. I believe in karma and alongside it, there's a gut feeling in me of fear - the fear of consequence for my actions.

Amidst my daily efforts of being good productive, I continually deem myself unworthy for any good when I don't live out my spirituality well. I believe there should be balance with anything. All aspects in life should be weighed out across spirituality because without God, there's no life. Everything we have right now should be given credit for.

Moving on, I only have five more days left before this grand celebration comes out. Never have I imagined I would be describing my birthday as "grand." I only wanted something simple because I feel uneasy being the center of attention. But I'm doing this for Mom, that's all the matters. This is for her because this is a dream of hers I want to be fulfilled. She's been putting so much effort in this and the only thing I can repay is by letting it happen.

From the previous days of being around the round, it's the only time I've noticed how much is being spent. I honestly feel uncomfortable with how much is being used up because that's not how we were raised to be. We were brought up to be practical and realistic with money. However, seeing things right now, my Mom is willing to adjust that living for the meantime for this dream. I could argue with her about it but I'll be left moping around on the lose side.

This week I'll just have to do what I need to do. Push myself for good grades this term and celebrate my 18th year of life.

Labels: personal