Misguided Posted at 2:47 AM 0 comments (+) Tonight (technically, early morning) held a lot of surprises. I have no clue on how to start things off. Let's just say what happened was an ultimate blessing wherein my thoughts on a certain subject were needed to be reconsidered.

I've been keeping things to myself of which I thought were right and pleasant. I was about to reach the thin ice peak of sharing my feelings when something held me back for a reason. My heart says go but my mind keeps pushing and insisting it has to be delayed. I followed what my mind told me by rephrasing my words and slowing down my pace. After a good few hours, a discovery is yet to be made. I've been introduced to a culture which I've been aware of its existence for a number of years although I had no intention of learning its practices and ways. But out of curiosity, I allotted half an hour of my sleep-deprived time to it.

Social networking sites have opened the doors to many Internet users to freedom of speech. Feelings and thoughts can be expressed in various way like images, videos, and text. Images and videos - more generally, art - takes time to understand because of its abstraction while text can be wholly understood by anyone. Words coming out from a person's mouth can either inspire or degrade another individual. It's sad to say that what I've learned just a moment ago was disheartening.

Even though my identity wasn't directly stated in the conversations, I felt attacked because I'm still part of the group being talked about. The female group. And most especially, the group which I've been part of everyday for almost a year. It brings me down to know how cruel people can be when they talk about other people. I do admit I do the same - it's human nature - but I know my limits. If I have something in mind that breaks the barrier, I immediately keep it to myself. For all that, there are still some people who need to think twice before they utter a word. Those who are unconscious of their actions won't be aware of their wrongdoings unless someone contradicts them. Those who continuously stand with those actions bring further vitality that could lead to untimely consequences which would take a long process to deal with.

It takes a great amount of time to know a friend. By knowing that person's nature in a different lifestyle is a question. Where am I going? In short, I thought I've known this person really well for me to allow myself to be susceptible of my emotions. I almost went beyond my fears to satisfy my feelings. I'm so mad at myself for acting so stupid all because of affection but I am deeply thankful that I've learned this as early as possible. Since then, I've started rethinking.

The ways I've learned from the people around me aren't enough for me to act independently. I am grateful for my beliefs, conscience, and knowledge. Indeed, time is gold.

Labels: life, personal