December 21 Posted at 12:36 AM 0 comments (+) Ever since I came home for Christmas break, I haven't felt the spirit of welcoming and the sense of home aside from acquiring more than 8 hours of sleep everyday. I've been catching up with the latest news at home and on TV (since there's no television in the condominium). But every time I'll be in contact my Mom, my day always ends up in nuisance. I am in rage because I can't describe exactly what I'm feeling at the moment. A lot has happened and the results of the events irritate me.

(1) The company Christmas party which took replacement of the Harlequin Christmas party was unexciting. The games were pretty entertaining but I wasn't really in the mood to participate no matter how much my Mom kept insisting to involve myself. The employees are undeniably kind to us and we are grateful to have their loyalty to the company. I interact with them in informal settings but during that night, I just didn't want to move around.  I just didn't want to. Period.

What's more annoying is that I had to spend Php600 for a floral dress to match the Hawaiian theme of the party. I liked what I bought - light blue dress - but I just didn't like the idea of having to use up my own money when I've been trying to save up for Christmas presents.

(2) My roommates are in the Dean's List for the second term. Justine is in the second honors while Hazel is in the first honors. Look who's the third wheel. I told myself I'd be putting my name in that list. Where'd it go? Well it's still in the almost-DL list! Just great. I feel so humiliated. I'm such a disgrace. I'm so fucking dumb that I can't make proper analyzations in Accounting!

(3) I feel so locked up in the house. It's like I can't hang out with my friends outside because I have to be home. Every time I'll be asking permission from my Dad if I can go out with friends, he always replies with: "Buti ka pa nakakalabas. Ako puro trabaho." I know he's being sarcastic with that but at the back of mind I can feel he's serious about it. That statement automatically comes in before I ask permission that's why sometimes I voluntarily don't include myself in gimmicks. Annoying how my conscience keeps kicking in.

BUT with consideration, I know my responsibility and I know my parent's. I study, they work. Both are different and both will ALWAYS be difficult to put up with. I memorize facts, analyze problems, and keep my brain running while my parents' main goal is to earn money for living. As a student in today's generation, 24 hours in a day is not even enough to accomplish multiple requirements. A lot is sacrificed to bring up a good grade in the card and credentials for future resumes. No doubt it is also difficult for my parents who are businessmen. All I ask is that you stop acting so superior because of what you do. There will always still be the respect for family but consider respect for work, too.

(4) I've been out the whole day today for valid reasons: grade consultation for ACTBAS2 and ENGLCOM - I deserved my grade in ACTBAS2 while my professor in ENGLCOM didn't show up!, general cleaning of the condominium, payment of tuition and submission/pick-up of home works in Kumon, and buying of Christmas presents for my parents.

While Hazel, my roommate, and I were in the terminal lining up for the jeep home at 7pm, my Mom called in through Dad's phone angrily, "Do you plan to go home? You've been out the whole day!" You have no idea how much I wanted to scream at her. She has no right to yell at me that way just because I'm not home yet. My Dad knows I'll be out the whole day and why didn't she ask him when she's using Dad's phone nonetheless? I'm seventeen. I know how to commute. I'm with a friend. I came out for valid reasons. I've been tired of moving around for the whole day. The callus on my toe is killing me. I went to the mall to fucking buy you a present which I don't normally do!!! Want to know else more? I even converted the U.S. dollars I've kept just to fund something special. A present to give something back to you. A present I am willing to spend for because I want to show how I appreciate you.

Labels: life, personal