I hate you. Posted at 1:35 PM 0 comments (+)

The first time you ran away was a Friday afternoon, the day of The Click Five concert, the most amazing day of my life. I was standing just by the corner, adoring the signatures the guys made in the CD I bought, where I was a few steps away from the table, where the guys were having their meet and greet with their fans, when I received a text message from Dad.

He strode away with Mom’s car at 5pm.

My world started to fall apart; I couldn’t believe what was happening. How could you? How could you run away by taking Mom’s car when you’re not even legal to drive? Don’t you know how dangerous it is out there?

As I entered Dad’s car, I was shocked to see him covered with tears, his eyes all red and puffy while he continuously pressed buttons on his phone, asking you to come back, how it’s not safe on the road and how he’s terribly sorry for not giving you what you want.

I wish I could comfort Dad but I couldn’t do anything. I slightly gave him a peck on the check and took out my phone. What the hell is wrong with you? If you could see what Dad looks right now, you should be ashamed of yourself.

I expected to come home with a big smile plastered on my face, bragging to everyone how I met the guys up close, how Kyle reached out his hand to me and how Joey’s sparkling blue eyes blew me away. That’s the day I learned to never expect things.

I came home furious, disappointed and angry. How could you ruin my happiness? I pretended like nothing happened, I forced a smile with every step I made in the house to my family. As I entered the bedroom, I quickly jumped to bed and cried all night.

You said you need time alone to thing and you even threatened to kill yourself because you’re facing so many problems.

The second time you ran away, you did the same. You brought Mom’s car, you had Dad worried sick but the only difference was you stayed away for a week.

The third time you ran away was the day you should’ve regretted everything you’ve done. You took off when Mom should be busy being happy and having a great night. Her friends were waiting for her to talk and just chill out at home. We only found you were gone when the maid ask if you knew how to drive a car.

Mom started to get pissed. I was in bed, sleeping to prepare for the next day’s final examinations but I couldn’t. I could hear her laughing and giggling, but it wasn’t right.

It started to get days until weeks when you we’re gone. Mom and Dad were getting worried because they didn’t know if you were safe, they didn’t know if you’d want to come and join us to our very first family trip abroad in Hong Kong, for they’ve prepared everything for you.

Every night, Mom would talk on the phone with her friend, just to make sure you were okay while you were staying in for a while at their place.

When the day came that Mom and Dad couldn’t take it anymore, I suddenly heard loud footsteps that shook the whole house. I was doing the usual thing I did every noon, I was laughing and having fun with my friends in The Click Five Message Boards, updating my Multiply account and accepting friend requests on Facebook.

As the vibrating sound grew louder and louder, I suddenly saw you walking fast in a really bad mood, where you headed towards your bedroom, the place you always feel relaxed.

Dad brought you out of your room just moments after, he directed you to the laundry area, where you had a man-to-man confrontation. His voice was as mad as a cow, with every syllable he spoke, his voice just cracks in anger.

His voice rises by each passing second, he demands what’s happening to you, why you were becoming rebellious, where you turn in the point you disrespect them, you slip down your grades, you hang out with people, who give you harm, you drink, you smoke and you quit the varsity team, the team you’ve been hanging out with since you were little.

All I could hear were voices and voices that just wouldn’t stop, until the only thing I could hear were plastic chairs breaking to pieces.

It was already afternoon when everything stopped, I turned on the computer and updated my Blogspot. Dad and Mom decided to bring you to the province, where all our closest relatives lived, they believed you’d learn reality in that place, you’d learn and put by heart what simplicity means, you’d learn all the household chores that should be learned at an early age, you’d stop wearing black-colored jewelry and clothing, you’d learn how to respect elder people, you’d stop hanging out with bad-influenced people, you’d stop cutting your forearm, you’d lessen your use of your cell phone, you’d learn why education is very important and you’d learn to bring back what you’ve become before you started high school.

I was ultimately shocked when I found out about it, part of me agrees with them but another part of me says it’s wrong. I knew it would be wrong because he’d have freedom, where he could smoke and drink and do whatever he wants to do.

Days passed by and I was instructed to use the internet for reference. You wasted the chance of a lifetime of graduating in a very respectable school in the country and automatically be accepted to college in various prestigious schools.

Because of that, I hated that day, where I had to spend the day to search for schools, who still accepts entrance exam takers, even though it was very late. Whenever I’ll do one tiny mistake, I’ll automatically be scolded.

You were given a two-month worth allowance for your basic needs in the province but I knew you’d use it for your selfishness. I can only tell that I don’t ask a lot especially with my desires. I only ask for a valuable reason, price and time. I wanted something that would only cost 75% less than what they gave him, I told them I would spend the summer, working hard for what I want, but I didn’t get any responce.

The first time you came back after a month, I expected that you’ll be clean and filled with good Christian values but I should’ve remembered never to expect. The first thing I saw in you was that you had shaggy hair, your nails were painted in black, you were out of cash and you still had your phone clutched in your hands. As you stepped in the car, you kissed Dad and he excitingly kissed you back for he had missed you for so long.

I should be happy like any parent would be but I’m not a parent, I’m child and a sister. I was pissed because I obviously didn’t see any change, I knew there would be arguments echoing the house and there would be more doubts on what he does in the province.

The second day you came back, you learned a lot of words from the dialect of the province but still, nothing had changed. Grandma said you were waking up at noon and you always hung out with our cousins.

I thought you’d learn how to wash your own clothes because that is the province, where people wash their own clothes, but I found out someone was doing that for you.

While I was composing my next chapter for my fic, I saw Dad’s phone beside me, and I, the person who loves reading text messages, obviously took it and opened his messages. When I saw Grandma’s name, I opened it for I love her so much and I love reading her messages.

When Dad asks the reason why I’ll come back there, tell him I’d be the godfather of a baby, who’d be baptized, okay? (This was a text from him)

I couldn’t believe what I just saw; he includes Grandma, a very spiritual, caring, and loving, and the most amazing person in world, in his stupid and foolish games. But I was glad she didn’t give him another chance, she was on our side, being honest and open to what his doing whenever his away from home.

Ever since you changed, I couldn’t experience 100% happiness with Mom and Dad because all they ever talk about is you. I am always being blamed for all the things you’ve done, I am their punching bag whenever they reach their boiling point because of you. They couldn’t appreciate everything I do because they always have to look through you.

You get appreciated and you get what you want even though you bring problems in their lives. And now I have the thought, you could only be seen when you’re rebellious.

If you’re a real man, face the problems you’ve started like a real man and end it like a real person with a real heart should do, instead of avoiding them by running away and cutting your arms just because other people do it.

Mom says to pray for you but I’ve been doing that from the very start. I never doubted God for I believe there’s always a reason for everything, it’s just up to you to follow what’s right and what’s wrong, and all I wish is that you’ll follow what’s right.

I missed the days and times when we’d hang out. I miss everything; we’d share stories and exchange our very secrets at heart but that was different now. Childhood and teen hood years are very much different. Now I know.